Culture

The DOs and DON’Ts of Holiday Pub Crawling

By , Posted January 4, 2017

Leading up to my first MBB Holiday Pub Crawl, I was fortunate enough to receive a few tips on how to survive from survivors of MBB Holidays Pub Crawls past.

They included things like:

DON’T TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AT THE BAR, EVEN IF YOUR COWORKERS BRIBE YOU WITH $21 TO DO IT.

Word on the street has it the offender found the initial offer of $18 to be deplorable. At $21, however, he was more than willing. Ah, three little dollars for a lifetime of memories. Or something like that.

RESIST THE URGE TO ICE SKATE. ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T HAVE ICE SKATES AND IT’S CONSIDERED TRESSPASSING.

Some background is necessary here. There is an outdoor area across the street from the office that transforms into a public skating rink during the holidays. The local tweens love it. Yeah, you have to pay to use it (didn’t matter). And no, it’s not a 24/7 kind of joint (this didn’t matter either). Yeah, pub crawl! Luckily for me, this was advice I didn’t need to think twice about heeding as I have an “irrational” (read: highly rational) fear of falling on ice, arms sprawled out in front of me, and—at the exact moment my arms hit the ice, before I have time to retract them—some reckless yahoo will skate over the top of my hands thereby chopping off my fingers. I know, right?

AVOID PURCHASING MOONSHINE FROM A RANDOM GUY WHO JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE SOME IN THE BACK OF HIS TRUCK.

This is like the adult version of saying no to strangers who claim they have candy in the back of their windowless white van. Don’t fall for it. But apparently, sometimes, it does turn out ok. Favorable, even. As in a lot of people had a lot of fun. However, let’s err on the side of caution in the future and not follow the friendly man with the moonshine out to his truck. It does make for a good story, though.

So, there you have it. The collective takeaways of pub crawls past. I’m pleased to report there were no instances (to my knowledge) of associates gone wild, trespassing on ice or illicit liquor sales at this year’s function.

There were, however, lots of the following:

Margaritas, Mexican beer, tequila, quesadillas, nachos, queso, guacamole and more at Stop #1, Sol Cantina.

Beer, beer, more beer, pizza and Irish Car Bombs at Stop #2, Gilhouly’s.

Two-stepping with two left feet (at this point in the evening, anyway) at Stop #3, Kanza Hall.

Here is the takeaway from this year’s pub crawl:

DOGPILING IN PUBLIC IS TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE WHEN SAYING GOODBYE TO A BELOVED COWORKER.

If you were there, you saw it. If you weren’t, there’s hard photo evidence (if you know who to ask).

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